12/17/2023 0 Comments Go in your time out corner meme![]() ![]() Pin this! Co-regulation and its importance in positive parenting Related: Positive Parenting Mini-Courses - Log In to Get One FREE The only caveat is to ensure the child is in a safe place while we take those moments to regroup. If an adult can create their own version of a calm down corner and retreat to it for a moment while they collect themselves, that can be a very wise approach. What if we're really mad?Īlthough I don't recommend time-outs for children, I absolutely do recommend them for adults when they're having trouble controlling their anger. These strategies don't promote respect if anything, they damage it. They just get better at not getting caught so that they avoid punishment.įurthermore, isolation-based strategies can damage their trust in us. Rather than driving kids to "obey," it actually drives children to simply hide their behavior from us. ![]() This is fear-based and control-based parenting. We're not looking for short-term wins, however. Short-term, behavior modification systems, including those that promote isolation in a punitive way, can indeed "motivate" the child to comply. That depends whether you're looking at the short-term or the long-term. Related mini-course: The World Is Tough: Shouldn't We Toughen Up our Children? But doesn't it "work" when we punish kids by isolating them? We want them to feel safe to come to us as they get older and face bigger challenges. Instead, it risks setting them up to develop coping mechanisms that may or may not be healthy as they continue to grow and need support. It won't matter how many comfort items the child has if connection with their caregiver is lacking.Ī punitive approach does not make the child's feelings go away. When used punitively, consistently sending the child away to process their big feelings, even if to an otherwise “nice” calm down corner that’s separate from the adult, sends the child the message that our love and support are conditional and that only certain feelings and behaviors are safe to show us. Possible drawbacks of the calm down corner It’s important to differentiate between disguising a “time-out,” when intended to be punitive and cause distress for the child, from a sacred, peaceful place that is truly Click to see on Amazon (afflinks)Ĭommon items that adults place in the calm down corner are sensory items, stuffed animals, sticker or coloring books, and soft blankets or pillows. Some children do well with sensory and/or comfort items when they’re upset, and some adults create a special space - a calm down corner - uniquely designed to hold these items for their child. Possible benefits of the calm down corner In short, it’s all about intent - and more importantly, the child’s perception of that intent. We've been hearing a lot about the "calm down corner" as a more peaceful alternative to the "time out" or "naughty step," but are we really just dressing up the same punishment to make it sound better? ![]()
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